How To Be A Short Ball Hitting Schlep and Lose the Game

Never do the right thing because because it is the right thing to do, regardless of the consequences.

Consider ambition a four letter word – unless your ambition is to parasite from the value producers of society.

Do everything you can, and use every excuse you can muster to keep from breaking a sweat.

Develop your con artist skills, and become a master of emotional manipulation.

Never ever take responsibility for getting something done when you can manipulate someone else into doing it for you.

Never jump in with both feet to ‘get it done’, but always run away from the hard choices.

Never lead, or have an original thought, but always follow nonsense.

Make a career out of talking, spending, entertainment, and texting selfies.

Demand everything from family, friends, community, and country – but never do the work to earn your place.

Demand the blood and sweat from everyone around you, but never get your own hands dirty from by doing the work.

Never be big enough to admit your mistakes or shortcomings.

Instead, blather nonsensical gibberish that has nothing to do with the subject at hand, and make yourself out to be a bigger fool than you are already infamous for being.

Never be big enough to take responsibility for your own mistakes, actions, or inaction, but make excuses and blame everyone around you for your problems that you created.

Play off the goodness, genuine kindness, or fears of real Human Beings, so they will take pity on you and donate the results of their hard work and productivity to you.

Brag to the world about what a self-sacrificing martyr you are, but only feign kindness or respect to anyone when it benefits you.

Never lift a finger to help your family or your neighbor, but expect everyone to help you, and then ridicule them to others behind their back.

Become a professional gossip, and spend your time pointing out everyone’s faults.

Throw everyone you can think of under the bus, because that is your hobby.

Show complete lack of respect to your spouse, especially in front of your children.

Never listen to common sense – just keep talking for the sake of hearing yourself speak.

Spend your time focusing on miniscule points of superficiality, and miss the big picture completely.

Always lie, and never tell the truth.

But when someone calls you on your lies, always come back with “Jesus is in my heart” or “I stand for the flag, freedom and democracy” or “No child should be left behind” or “Save the planet”.

Only stand by your convictions until your convictions are challenged by someone even more ignorant than yourself.

Then dump all convictions for the sake of expediency, profit, or money-for-nothing.

Always argue against common sense, common decency, or self discipline.

Now that your qualifying resume is complete, you are ready become a preacher, a pope, a  rabid-i, a politician, a fiat banker, a Wall Street trader, a hedge fund manager, a weapons manufacturer, a weapons dealer, a pentagon general, or a talking head for CNN.

Don McLean “Narcisissma”

Narcisissma, Narcisissma is the pride of Pomona,
Pomona, Pomona says she looks like me.
But she will look like you when I’m set free.

Narcisissma, Narcisissma is the belle of Biloxi,
Biloxi, Biloxi says she’s not your kind
But Narcisissma gives me peace of mind.

She’s got no braids in the inkwell, no money on the prize.
Ain’t got no boyfriend behind her that she can’t hypnotize.
And if you wanna see yourself without delusions or delies.
All you do is just look into her eyes.

Narcisissma, Narcisissma has no pride or delusions,
Delusions, delusions make me turn my face
But Narcisissma let’s me find my place.

She’s got no grudges, no crutches, no pigment and no peeves.
No cryers, no pliers, no liars and no sleeves.
And she will always tell you every thing that she believes.
She’s got no belly button too, no high heeled shoe.

Narcisissma, Narcisissma is the pride of Pomona,
Pomona, Pomona says she looks like me.
But she will look like you when I’m set free.

Well everybody’s lookin’ like they’re s’posed to
But nobody’s lookin’ very good.
So when you find somebody to get close to
Well don’t you think you should?

Narcisissma, Narcisissma loves to thrill and delight me,
Delight me, delight me and I’ll never quit
‘Cause Narcisissma knows just where I fit.

She’s got no tight draws, locked doors, nothin’ on the side.
Ain’t got no skin flaws, in-laws, nothin’ left to hide.
And if you need a new location where you’ll best be satisfied
You might prefer, to fall in love with her

Narcisissma, Narcisissma is the pride of Pomona,
Pomona, says she looks like me.
But she will look like you when I’m set free.

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